Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Day 21 - Gone!?

(posted by a bewildered Stinkographer 2)

I just don't get it...

The familiar stench was strangely absent as I approached the plate tonight. When it came into view, I paused, blinked a few times, and looked again.

I could not believe what I was seeing. I stood there, dumbfounded, unable to comprehend how this happened. After a moment fear kicked in--fear for the safety of our beloved meat. I let out a scream, then frantically began searching the surrounding area. I tore through the bushes, upturned piles of leaves, pried open a nearby dumpster. Nothing. Nothing that even remotely resembled the unique texture and smell of Stinkymeat. I couldn't even locate a single maggot!

I returned to the plate and examined it thoroughly. It was inexplicably sandy, but a small amount of moist, stinky residue confirmed to me that it was indeed our plate. However, something is terribly wrong here: Who or what, in their right mind, would remove the meat from the plate??

I could not come up with anything. If the plate had been taken away, the answer would be simple: facilities received an odor complaint and cleaned up the mess. But facilities they wouldn't have left the plate! Nobody would have left the plate, because that would have entailed handling 20-day-old, maggot-infested flesh! How could the meat just disappear???

No, no that's just not possible... The fact that a cup, an open bag of plastic utensils, and an empty container of honey mustard have appeared just a few feet away from the plate must be a sheer coincidence. And yes, I've talked to Kareem. He seems to be in good health, and he hasn't asked me for money. So I know he didn't eat the meat.

I don't know. I just don't know how this could have happened. Any theories, faithful fans?

The most difficult part was breaking the news to Stinkographer 1. He's taking it real hard. His current intention is to conduct a campus-wide search campaign for the missing Stinkymeat. More on this tomorrow...

Continue to Day 22

15 comments:

deej said...

maybe the maggots finished off.. you never know how much they can eat.

Chaun said...

I feel your loss. I don't know how I will cope without stinkymeat in my life.

Anonymous said...

I'm with deej.. maybe the lack of refrigeration somehow mutated the chemical properties of the meat, which consequently had an affect on the dna of the maggots feasting on it.. so basically stinkymeat turned the maggots into freaks of nature, they devoured the meat, and are now lurking about campus looking for their next meal.... frightening thought

Anonymous said...

Actually I'd be betting on a dog taking it somewhere to munch on at it's leisure - like under the covers of the bed of it's owner.

Gotta think positive!

Anonymous said...

Brace for a revenge attack, and brace hard.

As much as I hate to admit it, a rancid meat attack would be a fitting and gruesome reparation for the original stinkymeat victims.

So stock up on shower gel, detergent, air-freshener and have the number of a good carpet cleaner on stand by.

- JP

Stinkymeat Tufts Chapter said...

Hahaha, well said JP. Yeah, we're definitely considering the possibility that our adversaries have located and relocated the meat, though at this point they deny it. We have inspected our rooms, bathrooms, and our cars for abnormal odors. Thus far, we've found little evidence of an impending counterattack. Nonetheless, we've been making a conscious effort to avoid large crowds and to stay in well-lit places.

I can't imagine they'd hold onto the meat for very long, given its glorious stench and the ubiquitous maggots. If we don't get any meat hurled at us by the end of tomorrow, I'd like to think we're in the clear...

Liz said...

Perhaps the maggots all changed into flies simultaneously and flew off together beneath the meat in an enormous fly-and-meat flotilla.

Stinkymeat Tufts Chapter said...

Flying Stinkymeat. I shudder at the thought. And flies have an annoying tendency to land on people... does that mean the meat will also land on people?

Actually, I'm starting to like the idea of a rancid meat ambush. As I've said in the past, at least then we'd get the meat back...

danielo said...

I blame the Bolsheviks -- they're very sly.

Anonymous said...

RIP, StinkyMeat.

So, where do you go from here?
StinkyVeggies? (I know broccoli and cabbage both get foul)
StinkyDairy? (If you put milk in a 2 liter bottle in the sun, you also get the bonus of the impending explosion)
StinkyMeat part deux?

We need you to press on! We are now addicted to your blog!

Joel said...

I know I can't eat maggot-infested flesh without smearing it with LOTS of honey mustard, handling it with plastic utensils, and washing it down with a cup of something strong.

Jeff said...

A tall glass of...honey mustard?

Ms Mellymel's World said...

Wha.......WTF......I was only gone one day....and the stinkymeat has disappeared? Son of a bit...how will I go on w/out my fix of stinkymeat? Damn you Art History exam that made me pull an all-nighter and crash for too long afterwards.

....glad y'all liked the poetry.

Anonymous said...

stinkyveg just doesn't get stinky i have tryed it the experiment is now in the 3rd month and not much is happening

Bona said...

People should read this.

 
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