Day 22 - Have you seen this meat?

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

News of our Stinkymeat's disappearance troubled me greatly. I knew I would be unable to put this tragedy behind me unless I was confident I had done all in my power to find the meat. Last night, I loaded up Microsoft Word and went to work...

Voilà! By printing these two pages onto one sheet of paper and folding down the middle, it can be made to stand upright. It can then serve as a simple, eye-catching "table tent." Like so:

Phase 1 of our stratagem began bright and early. We used the library's color copier to make several hundred table tents, then proceeded to place them all over Tufts' main dining hall. It turned out that we had a lot more than we needed, so we bunched them rather close together...

Alas, upon returning a few hours later we discovered that almost every pamphlet had been removed by the dining staff! Outraged and dispirited, we had almost decided to abandon this publicity technique completely. It was at this moment, while walking back to our dorm, that we witnessed a most incredible spectacle!

Yes, this is exactly what it looks like! Decked-out in haz-mat suits and face masks, these individuals had pushed a nearby dumpster onto the residential lawn, emptied it completely, and were currently searching through the trash--for the lost meats, no doubt! I must admit, the unyielding dedication of our loyal fans truly astonishes us! Inspired by deeds of our devout followers, we elected to repeat the "table tenting" process several times throughout the day.

It was an epic battle of wits. By moving swiftly and taking cover underneath tables, we managed to stealthily evade the watchful eyes of the dining staff-- that is, until the hall's final hour of operation. Unfortunately, it was at this point that one of the ladies at the register spotted us dropping the pamphlets. Calling us over, she informed us that only registered campus organizations were allowed to place advertisements on the tables. I attempted to explain that we were part of a new campus organization called Stinkographers Anonymous. I don't think she bought it. We were sternly asked to remove the pamphlets before leaving.

Though our dining hall operation met only limited success, the cover of nightfall provided us with further opportunity to spread the word about the lost meat. Following in Mahlon's footsteps, Phase 2 of the publicity campaign entailed the time-honored college tradition known as "flyering".

We printed about 60 flyers, enough to cover all the key locations. Egresses to and from campus food hubs always experience particularly heavy foot traffic, so we concentrated our efforts around these areas. The two flyers seen here are above the side door to the Carmichael cafeteria...

This one has been strategically placed next to the entrance to Hodgdon good-to-go...

If someone has tried to eat or drink anything on that plate, it is highly probable that they will end up here. If the person in possession of our meat is reading this, please bear in mind that we will be delighted to take it off your hands regardless of its condition, no questions asked!

For our final task, we took to the streets. Realizing we still had an ample stockpile of table pamphlets, we decided to distribute our supply across the campus's many parking lots.

All vehicles were treated equally.

There is little more that can be done at this point in time. Even if we never solve the mystery of the disappearing Stinkymeat, I feel that our efforts today will help bring closure to our 21-day-long relationship with the meat. I we receive no word of its whereabouts by tomorrow night, we will prepare some concluding remarks. A Stinkymeat eulogy, if you will...

Continue to Final Thoughts