The Glorious Return of Stinkymeat... college-style

Our Mission

2007-12-01T18:32:00.001-05:00

"Here's hoping they're maggots!" ~ M. Smith

This blog is a tribute to the great Mahlon Smith. This man of science performed a simple experiment that has been known and loved by millions: the Stinkymeat Project.

In short, this guy took a plate of meat and placed it into an unwitting neighbor's backyard. Over the course of 20 days, he photo-documented the meat's evolution from edible protein to hazardous waste. And the glorious stench that accompanied it. Looking back on this, we came to realize that Mahlon's experiment had a profound effect on our childhoods. After all, the First Project began just as we were nearing the end of our elementary school years--a point in our lives in which we were still developing our own sense of humor. If not for the daily guidance of Mahlon Smith's witty posts, who knows if we would have ever achieved such a fondness for inappropriate jokes and cheeky shenanigans! We feel we owe him something.

Thus, we have set out to continue the saga within the hallow halls of our very own Tufts University in Medford, MA. However, this time the scientific analysis of Stinkymeat is going to be taken to the next level. While the previous experiments took place outdoors and had to withstand the forces of nature, our Stinkymeat plate is to be placed in a completely controlled environment. A perfect test chamber, if you will--one that is that is dark, moist, and poorly ventilated.

Yes, your worst suspicions are indeed correct: we will be conducting our experiment above a shower stall in a Tufts dorm. This particular shower is located in a building adjacent to our own, in a suite populated by our arch-enemies. In this way, we will not only be examining the rate of decay of various meats. We will also be testing the amount of time it takes before a group of unwitting residents try to seek out the source of an unbearable odor in their bathroom.

As we add posts on a daily basis, we encourage all of our readers to make comments and suggestions!

(Even if you think we have sick and twisted minds, we highly recommend reading Mahlon Smith's offical Stinkymeat website. Guaranteed to make you laugh.)

Continue to Day 1

(Or navigate to any day using "The Stink Chronicles" on the right-hand side of the page)

Final Thoughts

2007-11-16T16:59:00.001-05:00

Oh, woeful day! More than 72 hours have passed since we have last laid eyes on the meat and the maggots. With no leads, and nighttime temperatures below freezing, we fear there is little hope of a successful recovery. And so today, we bring our project to a close.

It will be a memory we'll carry with us for the rest of our lives, ladies and gentlemen. We shall forever cherish the day we went shopping, carefully hand-picking the perfect specimens. They were so pure and innocent! We will always recall the delightful victory on Day 10, when our adversaries finally broke down and pleaded for help. Never shall we forget the rise of the mighty Ant Empire, and its mysterious demise that continues to perplex us. And we will endlessly reminisce about the eventual triumph of the Maggot, a creature with the unique ability to amplify the stench of any and all rotting material.

The two of us made one final trip below the Wren Bridge today--the meat's hiding place which we had so carefully kept secret. The empty Hefty Serve 'n Store plate has disappeared, swept away by the wind, no doubt.

After sharing a moment of silence, we super-glued this sign to the concrete base of the bridge. It is our hope that it will remain there for quite some time, a lasting tribute to an unforgettable experiment.

In retrospect, we are pleasantly surprised the meat hadn't been removed sooner. This bridge is the only point of entry into Wren Hall, which is home to 150 students. In the height of its stench, the meat could easily be smelled from atop the bridge, depending on wind conditions.

150 students passing by multiple times a day, yet for 12 days not one of them called Facilities. For any Wren resident who experienced firsthand the meat's God-forsaken stench and the feeling of impending doom that accompanies it: we thank you for being strong, shaking it off, and casually going about your day.

We would also like to thank our dear rivals-in-prankdom, whose bathroom we so enjoyably stinkified for the first ten days of this project. If not for your inability to keep your living space clean, you'd have surely discovered the meat days earlier!

Last but most important of all, we would like to thank our faithful fan base. Your ever-amusing comments, suggestions, and criticisms contributed enormously to the entertainment value of this blog. You guys are the best!

Tragic it is that the meat vanished at such a pivotal moment. The maggots had so much potential! But then again, anyone who read the original Stinkymeat project already knew what was going to happen anyway! Although it took 20 days, the emergence of maggots meant that our meat had finally begun to follow the course of Mahlon Smith's experiment. So go back to his, read it and laugh once more for old time sake. We know we will.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
~Dr. Seuss

Day 22 - Have you seen this meat?

2007-11-15T01:22:00.001-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

News of our Stinkymeat's disappearance troubled me greatly. I knew I would be unable to put this tragedy behind me unless I was confident I had done all in my power to find the meat. Last night, I loaded up Microsoft Word and went to work...

Voilà! By printing these two pages onto one sheet of paper and folding down the middle, it can be made to stand upright. It can then serve as a simple, eye-catching "table tent." Like so:

Phase 1 of our stratagem began bright and early. We used the library's color copier to make several hundred table tents, then proceeded to place them all over Tufts' main dining hall. It turned out that we had a lot more than we needed, so we bunched them rather close together...

Alas, upon returning a few hours later we discovered that almost every pamphlet had been removed by the dining staff! Outraged and dispirited, we had almost decided to abandon this publicity technique completely. It was at this moment, while walking back to our dorm, that we witnessed a most incredible spectacle!

Yes, this is exactly what it looks like! Decked-out in haz-mat suits and face masks, these individuals had pushed a nearby dumpster onto the residential lawn, emptied it completely, and were currently searching through the trash--for the lost meats, no doubt! I must admit, the unyielding dedication of our loyal fans truly astonishes us! Inspired by deeds of our devout followers, we elected to repeat the "table tenting" process several times throughout the day.

It was an epic battle of wits. By moving swiftly and taking cover underneath tables, we managed to stealthily evade the watchful eyes of the dining staff-- that is, until the hall's final hour of operation. Unfortunately, it was at this point that one of the ladies at the register spotted us dropping the pamphlets. Calling us over, she informed us that only registered campus organizations were allowed to place advertisements on the tables. I attempted to explain that we were part of a new campus organization called Stinkographers Anonymous. I don't think she bought it. We were sternly asked to remove the pamphlets before leaving.

Though our dining hall operation met only limited success, the cover of nightfall provided us with further opportunity to spread the word about the lost meat. Following in Mahlon's footsteps, Phase 2 of the publicity campaign entailed the time-honored college tradition known as "flyering".

We printed about 60 flyers, enough to cover all the key locations. Egresses to and from campus food hubs always experience particularly heavy foot traffic, so we concentrated our efforts around these areas. The two flyers seen here are above the side door to the Carmichael cafeteria...

This one has been strategically placed next to the entrance to Hodgdon good-to-go...

If someone has tried to eat or drink anything on that plate, it is highly probable that they will end up here. If the person in possession of our meat is reading this, please bear in mind that we will be delighted to take it off your hands regardless of its condition, no questions asked!

For our final task, we took to the streets. Realizing we still had an ample stockpile of table pamphlets, we decided to distribute our supply across the campus's many parking lots.

All vehicles were treated equally.

There is little more that can be done at this point in time. Even if we never solve the mystery of the disappearing Stinkymeat, I feel that our efforts today will help bring closure to our 21-day-long relationship with the meat. I we receive no word of its whereabouts by tomorrow night, we will prepare some concluding remarks. A Stinkymeat eulogy, if you will...

Continue to Final Thoughts

Day 21 - Gone!?

2007-11-13T20:22:00.000-05:00

(posted by a bewildered Stinkographer 2)

I just don't get it...

The familiar stench was strangely absent as I approached the plate tonight. When it came into view, I paused, blinked a few times, and looked again.

I could not believe what I was seeing. I stood there, dumbfounded, unable to comprehend how this happened. After a moment fear kicked in--fear for the safety of our beloved meat. I let out a scream, then frantically began searching the surrounding area. I tore through the bushes, upturned piles of leaves, pried open a nearby dumpster. Nothing. Nothing that even remotely resembled the unique texture and smell of Stinkymeat. I couldn't even locate a single maggot!

I returned to the plate and examined it thoroughly. It was inexplicably sandy, but a small amount of moist, stinky residue confirmed to me that it was indeed our plate. However, something is terribly wrong here: Who or what, in their right mind, would remove the meat from the plate??

I could not come up with anything. If the plate had been taken away, the answer would be simple: facilities received an odor complaint and cleaned up the mess. But facilities they wouldn't have left the plate! Nobody would have left the plate, because that would have entailed handling 20-day-old, maggot-infested flesh! How could the meat just disappear???

No, no that's just not possible... The fact that a cup, an open bag of plastic utensils, and an empty container of honey mustard have appeared just a few feet away from the plate must be a sheer coincidence. And yes, I've talked to Kareem. He seems to be in good health, and he hasn't asked me for money. So I know he didn't eat the meat.

I don't know. I just don't know how this could have happened. Any theories, faithful fans?

The most difficult part was breaking the news to Stinkographer 1. He's taking it real hard. His current intention is to conduct a campus-wide search campaign for the missing Stinkymeat. More on this tomorrow...

Continue to Day 22

Day 20 - Lots of maggots!!!

2007-11-12T21:56:00.001-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

I skipped merrily towards the meat today, giddily anticipating my first glimpse of the maggots.

My heart sank when I first viewed the meat. The smell did not disappoint--it was indeed as bad as Stinkographer 2 had described it. However, I had expected by now there would be plenty of maggots crawling in plain sight. Frustrated, I looked around and found a suitable stick. I was determined. I wanted to see maggots, and lots of them.

I knew things were about to get ugly, but I never saw this coming...

Wow. I repeat: Wow. Maggot central! I had no idea how many were actually living under there! Flipping the chicken exposed literally hundreds of them! Truly an incredible sight--and sound! The countless maggots crawling through the hen's belly made a very audible noise, one that I can only compare to the sound you hear when mixing tuna fish and mayonnaise together (you're going to remember this the next time you order tuna salad).

I held the game hen in place for a good minute to snap photos. During this time, the majority of maggots took shelter in the vast labyrinth of tunnels they had carved through the chicken's flesh. For a while, my sheer sense of joy at the sight of maggots helped me to ignore the horrendous stench I had released by exposing their living quarters. However, the longer the hen's underside was exposed to the outside air, the worse the smell became. The gentle outside breeze no longer helped. When the stench reached a 9.5 on our 1-10 scale, I was forced to momentarily abandon the meat. It was at this point that I decided to leave the hen right-side-up for the remainder of my observations.

Not surprisingly, the ground beef appears to have suffered a similar fate. The maggots are everywhere!

Even the plastic around the giblet sack appears to be a suitable home for the maggots. It's interesting... ants may be able to ward off any and all competition, but maggots appear to be capable of thriving in an increasingly hostile environment. Even one that the ants have declared no-mans-land.

To quote our anonymous friend from day 15, "I cannot imagine this experiment getting any more wonderful, and yet, I know it will."

Continue to Day 21

Day 19 - Maggots!!!

2007-11-12T00:56:00.000-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

Oh, what a beautiful sight! The meat is smelling more than ever now, though we had been mystified until tonight as to why this is so.

On first glance, things didn't seem to change very much from two days ago. As I examined the meat more closely, however, I began to notice some subtle differences. First on this list is the chicken's continued loss of verticality--parts of it appear to be deflating! Color change is also becoming apparent. The chicken, especially, is losing its yellowish hue and is becoming darker in color. Compare these observations with the similar photo on day 16 and you'll see what I mean.

In general, things are looking increasingly digested. The bacon is missing chunks, the giblets are now a solid mass, and the part of the pork chop once covered by the giblet sack is just... gross.

And then I saw them.

Peering around the edges of the ground beef, something white and squirming caught my eye. Overjoyed by the sight, I quickly snapped a picture and rushed back to show Stinkographer 1.

Do you see what I see?? I even zoomed in on one so there's no mistaking it. That, my friends, is a maggot!! No doubt about it. At long last, our patience has paid off! With no ants around to keep the flies away, the maggots must have finally gained a fighting chance!

Everything looks so...barren. Hard to believe that there's an entire class of living things that thrives on this kind of decaying mass. It looks disgusting and, well, dead, but it's so full of new life and new opportunity. There's a lesson in this somewhere, but I'll leave that to the Philosophy majors...

Continue to Day 20

Day 17 - Perplexingly ant-less

2007-11-09T21:48:00.001-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

It just doesn't make sense! Why did the ants leave???

I inspected the plate very closely today, which was a real challenge because it is smelling incredibly raunchy. Although there were several ant carcasses scattered randomly throughout the plate, I spotted not one live ant on the meat. In fact, ant activity around the plate has seemed to have died down as well. There are not nearly as many as yesterday. Very odd...

An eye-level view. The meat is getting increasingly two-dimensional.

So far, we have made two conclusions. First, the ants' disappearance is in no way related to the temperature. Today was significantly milder than yesterday, pretty much the same as all the other days the meat has been outside... and the ants were always present and accounted for on those days. Second, there is almost definitely a correlation between the ants' presence and how badly the meat smells. Maybe the ants were somehow responsible for quelling the foul stench. On the other hand, maybe the return of the foul stench is what forced the ants to evacuate.

It's hard to see in this photo, but amongst the layers of cat food walks a large beetle. This is the first living thing we've seen on the plate other than ants since the brief "pork worm" sighting on dissection day. For the duration of my visit, this little guy was leisurely strolling around the plate without a care in the world. And he was not alone.

Here we can see another beetle making himself at home on the giblet sack's perimeter, slightly left of center.

So we have beetles. And we have stinkiness. I guess that's something.

And now, for some bad news: Stinkographer 2 and I are headed up to New Hampshire tomorrow for a fun day of hiking, rock climbing, and marauding. We'll be spending the night at the Loj, the Tufts Mountain Club's personal sanctuary, which is awesome in every way except that it does not have internet access. Unfortunately that means we'll be out of touch for a day, and also that the meat will not get photographed. Rest assured, however, that we shall return to Tufts Sunday night and at that time post our findings as soon as possible.

I must admit, I'm looking forward to seeing the effects of Stinkymeat withdrawal on Stinkographer 2, who will have gone three whole days without getting a whiff of the odor we are now so accustomed to...

Continue to Day 19

Day 16 - Paradise lost?

2007-11-08T22:55:00.001-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

The meat is smelling wonderful again, I expect as a result of our intrusive inspection. By wonderful I mean awful. But something was different today.

In a shocking turn of events, the ants appear to have abandoned the plate almost entirely. Over the span of just 24 hours, the once bustling meat metropolis has become a barren wasteland.

It was quite nippy outside today, and our first thought was that the cold might have driven the ants away. But this does not entirely make sense, for the plate is actually sitting right next to several large pipes connected to the Tufts steam network. These pipes radiate a large amount of heat--one of the primary reasons we selected this location.

Furthermore, it's not that the ants are gone. They're just no longer on the meat...

Just south of the plate, the ants are still showing a heavy presence in the area. Hundreds of them were dispersed around the entryway to their underground fortress when I took this photo.

Ants were also moving about the western perimeter of the plate. What you see here is a group of ants carrying away a white object. It is unfortunate that the photo is a bit blurry, because when I viewed this white object in person it looked suspiciously like a dead maggot! The fact that the maggot is dead is a bit discouraging, but it must have come from somewhere! Could there be more of them?? We're keeping our fingers crossed.

As we examine our photos in detail, it's really quite surprising how vacant the meat has become. While I noticed a few ant bodies on top of the bacon in this picture, they were actually all dead, as far as I could tell.

What happened overnight? Did all the ants on the plate get wiped out? Exiled? Abducted? Incinerated? An insect genocide, or "insecticide," if you will? Personally, I enjoy the speculation that this has something to do with the ruptured giblet sack. It's entirely possible that the queen, sensing a hazardous materials crisis, gave the order to evacuate.

Another interesting observation from the last photo: the bacon seems to be melding with the pork chop. It's almost as if it's healing over time. They did, after all, come from the same animal.

Continue to Day 17

Day 15 - The aftermath

2007-11-07T19:06:00.001-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

Yesterday's operation has successfully reinvigorated regions of oxygen-derpived flesh. Although the taste-bud-numbing blast of the giblet sack seems to have subsided, there is still an undeniable increase in scent even with the outdoor breeze. Using our previous 1-10 scale, I'd rate it a 7 in still air.

The plate has become even more filled with sand, and the ants are as lively as ever. All they need now is a flag to officially lay claim to their empire.

The contents of the giblet sack, previously moist and squishy, have quickly lost their mucus-like coating. Actually it's probably still there, but it has now dried and hardened. Low and behold, it seems that the giblets are beginning to clad the same leathery armor that has enveloped the rest of the chicken.

The great crevasse that my knife sliced into the beef may have formed the ant equivalent of the Grand Canyon, but that didn't slow them down. Blatantly ignoring safety standards, these bold mountaineers scaled down to the base of the abyss without the aid of ropes, harnesses, or locking carabiners. Ah, just imagine the incredible feats I could accomplish if I had six limbs...

Notice the stark contrast between the recently-uncovered section of pork and the part that's been exposed to the air for 15 days. To be honest, I'm not sure which looks worse.

Unfortunately, there was no sign of our worm-like friend writhing around in the pork area. Perhaps he (or she) has sought refuge beneath the punctured giblet sack. I'll remind Stinkographer 2 to check under there on his next excursion.

Continue to Day 16

Day 14 - The Dissection

2007-11-06T16:38:00.000-05:00

Today we decided to take matters into our own heavily gloved hands.

This is the meat prior to the first "incision." I think it's safe to say that the ants now reign over the entire plate. Overnight their armies stabbed westward into the final major territory--the game hen--and, not surprisingly, have started covering it with sand. This whole "sanding" process is really intriguing to me. They are literally terraforming their new world! Notice the "sand bridge" on the right side of the plate, linking the cat food to the earth below. Truly impressive ingenuity.

The ants are more numerous than ever before. However, all of the items are still mostly intact. We would soon find out why they were having such a hard time breaking ground.

Poised for the operation. Our surgical instruments will consist of borrowed dining hall silverware.

The Cornish game hen was surprisingly difficult to cut. Its skin had hardened into a thick, nearly-impenetrable exoskeleton. Yet another military interest in rotting meat.

As Stinkographer 1 pushed down on the chicken, a large quantity of the white, pus-looking goop oozed out from underneath.

It made a horrendous glurping noise as my compatriot pried it from the plate. While the top of the chicken has hardened into a formidable carapace, the bottom has decayed into a semi-liquid confection. The stench was indescribable. This was the closest I've come to throwing up since the beginning of this experiment.

We discovered why the ants were having so much trouble carting off the beef--it, too, had developed a protective outer coat. When we finally managed to cut it open, it actually looked similar to a burger grilled at too high a temperature--seared on the outside, pink on the inside. Perhaps now we can get some decent rotting.

The cat food had the same consistency that it did fresh out of the can. Other than some mild discoloration, it really hasn't changed all that much! Perhaps we should e-mail this page to people at Fancy Feast. Who knows, our experiment could be featured in their next commercial, boasting long shelf life!

If you look where the red arrow is pointing, you will notice a small white line on the moistened end of the pork chop. It is alive. We saw it wiggling around. My guess is it may have been there all along, because uncooked pork is known to harbor parasites. Who knows, we may yet see a proliferation of nasty crawly things...

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: the giblet sack. It was surprisingly difficult to rupture.

Another suppressed gag reflex, at both texture and smell. I'm not sure what all those organs are, but there's a greenish-brown paste at the bottom that resembles gravy. At least in texture. As for the odor, it was quite comparable to the underbelly of the chicken. The only difference was that the chicken could be returned to its upright, less-smelly state. The giblet sack, on the other hand, was now wide open, and there was little to be done to reduce the vomit-inducing stench.

We had originally planned to slice through the bacon and the pork, but the stink emanating from the giblet sack was intolerable! Coughing and wheezing uncontrollably, we opted to vacate the area as quickly as possible.

Continue to Day 15

Day 13 - We ask the experts

2007-11-05T12:58:00.000-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

Our latest theory is that the ants have colonized the ground beef. One small step for ant, one giant leap for ant kind.

They also appear to finally have taken an interest in the bacon.

Yesterday, Ms. Mellymel pondered whether the cold weather is inhibiting maggot implantation. I had been wondering the same thing, so I decided to make an inquiry at The Insect Question Page:

Hi, this is a rather odd question: I need to know if flies in the Massachusetts area will still be around to lay eggs on a meat specimen left outdoors in early November. This specimen is a compilation of beef, chicken, pork and cat food. These meats are uncooked and are being kept moist. At this point our specimen has been left unrefrigerated for 12 days. Thank you!

In less than an hour, I received a response from Doug Yanega, Dept. of Entomology at the University of California:

Yes, I rather suspect that flies will still be alive and well and active - as long as the weather is suitable on any given day...generally, flies will not be killed until there is a hard freeze. The problem is that their behavior and activity levels will be quite atypical...I'd be very surprised if the results you get running your experiment now would be similar to the results if you had started one month or more ago... Good luck!

He didn't seem the least bit confounded by my experimental methods. I wonder he's a Stinkymeat fan in hiding...

So the flies are still out there! That's great news! The problem is that the ants appear to have exiled any flies that may have been present. Like bouncers at some exclusive insect night club. Either that, or perhaps the flies did lay eggs, but the resulting maggots have since been devoured by the ants. I can see why--they looked so juicy and nutritious in the original Stinkymeat experiment. Don't knock it till you try it.

Seriously though, at this point I would recommend eating maggots over eating this meat. For those who may disagree, I would like to point out that the meat has been sitting outside for four days now, and no animal has dared to touch it.

One thing we've been noticing over the past few days: the area of the plate being overrun by ants is becoming increasingly... sandy. Or at least we think it's sand. The ground beef especially, with its many cracks and crevices, seems to be holding a lot of these white grains. One may at first point to the wind as a likely culprit, but the plate is in a fairly shielded location. Besides: the chicken, pork, and cat food have been affected very little by phenomenon. We have concluded that the ants are carrying the sand over in an attempt to to give the plate a homely decor.

The meat isn't smelling as consistently awful as when it was left to stew in its previous stink tank. Don't get me wrong--I think God would condemn us to an eternity in hell if we put the plate back into someone's ceiling at this point. Nonetheless, it's just not as bad out here. I suppose the wind is shifting the smell to and fro while we visually document the progress of the experiment, because I have definitely caught some foul, foul odors in my olfactory nerves while moistening the meat.

It's incredible how much rotting potential the meat still has. Almost every item is still basically intact. Even the ground beef seems to be withstanding the ants' assault with surprising fortitude. Perhaps it's about time we start poking around a bit...

Continue to Day 14

Day 12 - Under siege

2007-11-04T11:22:00.001-05:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

The ants are invading!!!

As I progressed toward our hiding location on this fine autumn day, a gentle breeze carried a familiar, reassuringly vile scent up my nostrils. I was at peace, knowing that the meat had remained unfettered by last night's raging torrent. Furthermore, as the plate is near a path frequented by students, I recognized with great satisfaction that a multitude of passersby would now have the privilege of basking in the glory that is Stinkymeat. Unlike myself, however, the meat was not at peace. On the contrary, it was under attack.

When I reached the plate, I immediately noticed that the ground beef looked even blacker than usual. It also appeared to be moving. Closer inspection (which entailed bringing my eyes a few inches from the plate and trying not to breathe) revealed that the meat was dotted with hundreds of tiny ants. I think a few of them waved at me. They're a bit difficult to spot in these pictures, but trust me, they're everywhere!

The ground beef is losing ground. Compare this photo to those taken a couple days ago. The ants have clearly done significant damage to the beef's right perimeter. However, they seem unable to penetrate the hardened shell of the Cornish game hen, and they have thus far chosen to completely ignore the cat food. Not that I can blame them for the latter action.

Apart from the ants' siege on the ground beef, the other elements of the plate have not changed significantly as of late. The pork has acquired a leathery appearance. The cat food, though mostly submerged in stinkjuice, is showing little evidence of degradation. The bacon, too, has passed the test of time surprisingly well. The game hen is getting leaner but is otherwise maintaining strong control over a third of the plate. The giblet sack appears to have lost momentum and is currently collapsed on top of the upper pork slab.

The idea that the giblet sack naturally opened itself and released its odor in our absence saddens me, but this may not be the case. Remember that for nine days the meat had been incubating at a steady 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Just like a balloon that is brought out in the cold, the recent change in temperature may have caused the air inside the giblet sack to condense. Never give up hope, ladies and gentlemen.

Continue to Day 13

Day 11 - We have visitors!

2007-11-03T18:07:00.000-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

Pouring rains and high winds swept across the northeast today, but the meat has remained safe and sound. Although the plate is indeed outside, it is in a covered, somewhat sheltered location. One thing's for sure: it was great to get an uninterrupted night's sleep. Now that the plate is away from the bathroom, the security risk is significantly lowered and we can take our pictures in broad daylight!

My first impression upon approaching the meat was one of disappointment: it doesn't smell nearly as bad in the outside air. In retrospect, perhaps it premature to pass judgment on an exceptional day like today, in which 40 mph winds were blasting just over the plate. I snapped my photos, gave the meat its daily drink, and returned home, slightly disheartened.

However, upon examining the pictures I was pleasantly surprised to see that we have our first visitors! I hadn't even notice them in person. Can you spot them? They're small, they're black, and they rhyme with "pants."

That's right, our dead meat is well on its way to becoming a living, breathing entity! If you look closely, our little friends seem to be chowing down on the bacon and the ground beef. I can't imagine they've ever been offered such a heavenly feast before. I hope they're grateful. I am curious to see how long it takes before the ants do any noticeable damage to the meat.

Admittedly, ants aren't nearly as interesting (or smelly) as maggots, but it's reassuring to know that some insects are taking interest in our generous offering.

Oh, for anyone who was wondering: the note we removed from our adversaries' bathroom is now mounted on the wall above Stinkographer 2's desk, a fitting memorial to the unending glory of Stinkymeat.

Continue to Day 12

Day 10 - Meat relocation

2007-11-02T18:44:00.000-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

I detected a faint odor of rotting meat as I reached the top of the stairwell. As I entered suite's main hallway, the smell intensified. Apparently our adversaries were attempting to cross-ventilate the bathroom, as both of its doors had been propped wide open. However, now the meat was stinking up the entire suite!

Upon entering the stink room, I discovered one of the more amusing notes I've seen in my time. Read for yourself. My fellow stinkographer assures me that the Spanish is indeed an accurate translation:

I had to chuckle, but this was a serious matter: the sanctity of our plate was being threatened! Looking around, I noticed with great alarm that several ceiling tiles near the center of the room were out of place! Luckily the antagonists had failed to look in the correct area. The note suggests that they have given up for the time being and have opted to leave the dirty work for the OneSource cleaners.

I bolted back to our dorm and banged loudly on Stinkographer 1's door. At first he ignored me, but when I shouted to him that the meat was in danger he immediately let me in. After a brief discussion, we concluded that neither ourselves, nor our loyal fans, wanted to see this project come to an end just yet.

Hence for fear of losing the meat, and more importantly out of compassion for our fellow man, we have decided to relocate the plate. For those of you who may have had to live with the meat, we thank you in the name of science.

Stinkographer 1 beat me in rock-paper-scissors, so I was the unlucky one who had to carry the plate. We did so using this specially modified meat transportation container (and latex gloves). Making things difficult was the fact that most of yesterday's rancid water, hereafter referred to as "stinkjuice", was still present. I must admit, the stench has increased phenomenally since the addition of liquid to the plate. I had to let the stink clear after opening the stink chamber before I could remove the specimen.

This was the first time in nine days that we had the opportunity to view the meat without the assistance of a camera. The cat food sort of looks like cooked intestines in this photo... An interesting thought.

The chicken looks more and more like it's giving birth to the giblet sack, which incidentally contains something that looks like a fetus. There are several things wrong here. First, it's dead. It was dead when we got it. Second, chickens lay eggs. They do not give live birth. Third, supposing the chicken could give live birth, the sack enveloping the baby would not be made of plastic. But I'm no expert on the birthing habits of Cornish game hens.

Here's the meat at its new location, which we will do our best to keep undisclosed. It's now in the open air, which hopefully means we'll be getting insect visitors. Any arthropod action is acceptable, but we especially look forward to witnessing firsthand the dramatic effect of maggots.

After assuring that the meat was safe and sound, I made one final return to the derelict washroom. I removed our adversaries' note and replaced it with our own:

Judging from some of our recent comments, I think they read it...

Continue to Day 11

Day 9 - What have we done?!

2007-11-01T19:00:00.000-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

***Administrative Note: So endeared are we by the term "stinkographer" that we have decided to refer to ourselves as Stinkographers 1 and 2. Each previous post will be updated to include authorship.***

As can be seen here, pretty much all the water that Stinkographer 2 had added on his previous visit had evaporated. I immediately remedied the situation. After spraying the plate for about a minute with my shirt covering my nose and mouth, I became frustrated with how slowly the water was being dispensed. I wanted to make sure the meat was good and wet, but the smell was unbearable! So I removed the nozzle, raised the bottle and completely emptied its contents over the plate. Above was the photo I took immediately before adding water...

...this is the photo I took immediately after.

Ok, so I went a bit overboard. I quickly learned the error of my ways, for as I stood there snapping photos, it suddenly ocurred to me that my head was wet. I stepped back and looked around, then came to the horrifying realization that the plate had become saturated and overflowed! The resulting au jus had made its way to the edges of the tile, and was now raining down onto the floor, the bench--and me! It took every bit strength in me not to puke my stomach out. It's a good thing I brought a towel, for I didn't wait to get home to shower.

On the bright side, I'm pretty sure adding this much water will bring the stench to a whole new level. I must admit, it's becoming quite difficult to approach the meat. Each opening of the ceiling tile unleashed a more powerful blast of vile meat miasma. As the days pass, the meat is actually starting to smell more and more like vomit... which I guess is reasonable considering your stomach basically accelerates the decomposition we're observing here. However, this is far worse than any vomit a living being can produce. Right now I'd rate the stench an 9 out of 10 at point-blank range, though the raunchiness is really beginning to overtake the entire bathroom.

The chicken has clearly become the most interesting of the five meats, so I decided to zoom in on it from a couple of different perspectives.

The giblet sack, which seems to be working 'round the clock in its campaign to annex the pork's territory, can be seen particularly well here. If you look closely, it is possible to observe the little entrails housed inside their plastic cocoon, waiting patiently for the opportunity to spew fourth onto the surrounding meats.

The rest of the chicken is also quite captivating. I think it's making a conscious effort to attain all the colors of the rainbow. Right now I see red, orange, yellow, some green, a touch of violet, and black and white. If part of it becomes blue I'll be really impressed.

An eye-level view. The giblet sack is really quite imposing... right now it's probably taking up more space than the cat food ever did. I'm a bit scared of it.

At this point, I really have to consider every new day that the meat is still present to be a blessing. Its stench absolutely unignorable upon entering the room. We'll keep our fingers crossed!

Continue to Day 10

Day 8 - Human intervention

2007-10-31T12:47:00.001-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

Happy Halloween, one and all!!!

Let me begin with an enthusiastic thank-you to everyone for your encouragement and words of advice! Some of it may prove to be quite useful. All of it was extremely entertaining. We love to read your comments, and we encourage you to leave more of them!

In the spirit of Mischief Night and as promised by my fellow stinkographer, we decided to make a small change in our experimental formula. Indeed, in order to spur a more rapid increase in potency and rate of decay, we have boosted the concentration of a single, all-important variable.

My partner's hastened departure prevented him from taking pictures yesterday, but it did not impede his olfactory observations. He noted to me that the meat's scent hadn't gotten any worse, and that perhaps it even smelled a bit less strongly than the day before. Being indoors and in a ceiling, it seemed to be drying out, which is not amenable to the rotting process. Today, in addition to bringing flip-flops and a towel as an alibi, I took my squirt bottle filled with a special mixture of dihydrogen monoxide to moisten the meat and, hopefully, get a better stench.

In this picture, the meat has yet to be moistened.

Though the odor has undoubtedly diffused through the entire bathroom, it's not very strong away from the shower. This lack of smell proliferation may have something to do with the active vents and the absence of fly larvae (maggots).

Notice the giblet sack. It seems to be slowly devouring the upper pork chop. Perhaps we've discovered a method to reanimate dead flesh? The military would be interested to hear this, I'm sure.

The ground beef soaked up the H2O like a meat sponge. By meat sponge, I mean a sponge made out of meat, rather than a sponge that absorbs meat. Perhaps the military would be interested in this as well. You'll notice that everything is glistening a bit more in this photo because it's wet. Upon application of the water, the stench was immediately amplified. On the same scale that my compatriot used previously, I'd rate it between a 7 and an 8 post-soaking... truly foul.

Based on the results of this day's intervention, I believe it would hasten the arrival of a "glorious" stench if we keep the meat thoroughly moistened, nay, drenched, for the remainder of the monitoring period...

Continue to Day 9

Day 7 - A harrowing escape

2007-10-30T16:16:00.000-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

Ladies and gentlemen, we almost lost today.

Almost.

Before I share my suspenseful tale, I have a request for all you readers out there: we need excuses! Justifications for our experiment, should we be caught by either our adversaries or the police. Leave us comments! As an incentive, if we use your advice to get out of trouble, we'll award you the official Tufts Stinkymeat Hefty Serve 'n Store Plate(tm) upon the completion of our project! (If we use multiple people's advice, we'll divide the plate evenly among them.) But I digress...

* * *

My accomplice, indifferent to the traumatic experience I had yesterday, informed me he had a mid-term at 8 in the morning. He therefore requested that I take the plunge for second night in a row.

All was quiet as I entered the forsaken washroom. The stink hit me quite forcefully as I slid away the corner tile, confirming to that the meat was still safe and sound. The flashlight, now loaded with fresh triple-A's, shined brightly as I placed it over the ceiling.

As I pulled the camera out of my pocket and prepared to take aim, I heard a door slam.

I ducked so that the closed stall door would conceal me. Seconds later, not one, but two people filed into the bathroom! The first made his way to the other shower stall. The second hesitated momentarily, then gave a firm push on my door. It remained shut. Thinking quickly, I made a throat-clearing sound and turned on the shower. I prayed this would convince him to come back later, but he instead headed towards the sink, yelling loudly to his friend that it smelled like shit in here. I was quite tempted to correct him.

It came to my attention that the the ceiling tile was still out of place--and furthermore that the opening was glowing brightly from the flashlight. The hole was small and difficult to see at first glance, but I knew that it would surely be spotted if I left it that way. When my foe walked over to the toilet, I saw my opportunity. I crept back onto the bench, grabbed the light and slid the tile back as quietly as possible.

The guy didn't even bother to flush the toilet (some people do such disgusting things). I scarcely had time to jump back to the floor before he returned to his perch between the two stalls, waiting.

Unfortunately all my hopes of outlasting the other showerer were dashed when a third individual entered the bathroom! I had to get out of there without revealing my identity, so I did the only thing I could think of: I took off my shirt and soaked my head in the shower. I then proceeded to exit the stall, looking downward with the shirt draped over my head. I walked right past them, using it like a towel to dry my hair. A successful getaway.

* * *

For the long-term safety of our experiment, I concluded it was best not to return that morning. I'm really sorry guys! I promise, tomorrow we'll do something special to make up for it... if the plate's still there...

I suppose today's moral is an important one: The longer this project lasts, the more dangerous it will be if we get caught. I managed to escape today without speaking a word to them, but we need to be prepared with witty explanations for a variety of questions. Questions like:

"What are you doing here this time of morning?"
"Why is the ceiling opened?"
"Is that a camera?"
"Did you just take a shower with your shoes on?"
"Did something die in here?"

Many thank-you's,
Your friendly neighborhood stinkographers

Continue to Day 8

Day 6 - Hell and high water

2007-10-29T15:02:00.000-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

Oh dear God.

"The light's been flickering off on occasion," my friend stated as he handed me his flashlight. "I think we'll need to buy new batteries. You should be fine for tomorrow though." Famous last words.

The bathroom was empty. Our decaying mass can now clearly be smelled from across the room, though at this point it's not unbearable. I entered the stall, stood on the shower bench and pushed back the celing tile. As per usual, I turned on the flashlight and set it on an adjacent tile, illuminating the meat. I reached into the ceiling with my camera, aimed, and pressed the button.

It was at this moment that the flashlight shut off. An instant later I heard the shutter click, but it was too late. Sure enough, in the darkness the camera snapped a blurred photo. About 20 seconds later the flashlight turned back on briefly, then off again. This pattern repeated itself indefinitely, with increasingly-sporadic lighted intervals.

Now, I normally hold my breath while taking photos, but the malfunctioning flashlight forced me to stand there for an extended duration, waiting with the camera poised for a period of light. Finally I decided I had no choice but to breathe normally. With my head in the ceiling, I took a deep breath and inhaled raw stench. I felt my stomach churn, but I stood my ground, continuously muttering Mahlon's famous words: "for science!"

I spent over five minutes with my head in the chamber, five minutes of pure hell. I'm only thankful that our flashlight had problems now, while the smell is tolerable enough to repress my gag reflex. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is no smell and 10 is the strongest, most foul odor I could possibly imagine, I'd give the meat a 6. Mind you, I have a pretty wild imagination.

As for visual commentary, the cat food gravy seems to be drying up. The ground beef is darker than ever. Not too much new to be said except for one observation about game hen: what is that white mass at the top-left of this picture?

Here's the plate from a different angle. What IS that white thing that the chicken seems to be spewing forth? Although the idea that it's some sort of fungus excites me, I think it actually looks more like plastic. Perhaps this little guy came with a giblet sack--the guts that they leave inside the chicken to make gravy with. I guess we neglected to take those out, but apparently some mysterious force has corrected our error. Perhaps we've discovered a new fundamental force? Gravitational force, electromagnetic force, strong and weak forces--and the rotting meat force. And you people thought this experiment was all fun and games!

Of course, this presents another entertaining thought: after 6 days' worth of giblet decay, rupturing that bag may release a gas potent enough to burn a hole through the ozone layer...

One final note--Good news! The shower drain appears to have clogged, leaving about 2 inches of stale, cloudy water on the shower floor. That means anyone who smells the meat may suspect that the odor is coming from the drain instead!

Continue to Day 7

Day 5 - Progressing nicely

2007-10-28T18:48:00.002-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

The approach today was uneventful aside from the presence of someone passed out on the couch in the common room. I'd have taken a picture of him, but doing such things will increase the possibility of identifying myself prematurely.

The meat is definitely starting to smell with the ceiling tiles down, though not too badly. Right now it's more of a gentle decaying flesh smell, about the strength you would get with an air freshener if they made one that smelled like rotting meat (million dollar idea!!).

The ground beef has gotten darker, and the cat food has become more like diarrhea in texture. In addition, the layer of fat around the edge of the pork is becoming increasingly gelatinous. If you look closely, I think there are more white stringy things on the game hen. However, at this point I am not convinced these white threads are living entities. Rather, they may simply be part of the hen's skin, which peeled back as the it began to rot.

While the absence of insects in our photos thus far disappoints me, I suppose many residents would be comforted that we have found no evidence of critters crawling above them as they sleep. Of course, these people should also bear in mind that roaches would probably flee the scene as soon as we raise the ceiling tile. So even if they are present we probably will never know...

I've been having difficulty getting decent pictures of the meat, and I suspect that my camera is to blame. Yes, I know, only a poor workman blames his tools, but I believe my compatriot has a wider angle lens, enabling better meat-viewing. Perhaps I'll use his camera instead...

I must say, I was tempted to call 9-1-1 first, taste the meat, and then have my stomach pumped proximally.

Continue to Day 6

Day 4 - Things start to get smelly

2007-10-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

My accomplice's near-confrontation with the suite's indigenous peoples made me seriously consider wearing a ski mask on today's expedition. I finally elected not to, deciding that getting apprehended by Tufts Police would probably have a more negative impact on my career than any retaliation attempts our rivals might plot.

There is a somewhat faint but noticable scent above the shower, even with the ceiling tiles down. Upon lifting the tile, I was hit with a significantly stronger odor. The smell could perhaps best be described as wet bacon... wet bacon that had been sitting in the toilet for an hour. Certainly not any bacon I would ever eat.

As my compatriot pointed out, our photos from previous two days of photos have been a bit blurry. Today, with the additional illumination of my friend's flashlight, I was able to to take some pristine shots.

My lazy sidekick kept snapping photos from the same angle yesterday. I feel this is higly inadequate, and today I made sure to take multiple photos from different points of reference.

Notice closely the game hen in this picture. There appear to be some sort of white, threadlike objects clustered in various areas on top--some sort of wormlike parasite, perhaps? It's a bit premature to make this conclusion just yet... but here's hoping! Also, is it just me, or does the upper-left part of the chicken have a slight greenish hue?

As for the other meats, the lines fat in the bacon and pork appear to have acquired an unappealing, gelatinous texture. The ground beef has blackened on the outside. It doesn't look cooked per se, but more like it was used to sop up an oil spill. The cat food is showing some definite signs of degradation: it appears to have dried a bit on the top, but its gravy component seems to be meandering outward, underneath the surrounding meats.

Decided to take a few panoramic shots in order to gain a better knowledge of our incubation chamber. Lots of wires all over the place. Perhaps later on in the experiment I can cross two of them and send a current through the meat... though I'm a bit fearful that doing so would cause the ground beef to become alive and latch onto my face. Maybe I've played too many video games.

Continue to Day 5

Day 3 - A close encounter

2007-10-26T19:59:00.001-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 2)

***Stinky News Update: It is with great joy and reverence that we announce that we are now truly in the presence of Mahlon Smith! Indeed, just this morning we received a comment from Mahlon himself! Furthermore, it would seem that Mahlon, his friends, and his family are all enthusiastically awaiting the outcome of our little project! We certainly don't want to let them down, so without further ado, we present Day 3!***

Today's sojourn into the void was particularly enlightening as to the habits of the residents of this particular domicile. Upon entry to the center of hygiene (or lack thereof) I heard a shower running, indicating that we may have to do our daily check-ups a bit earlier than 5:00. Luckily there are two showers in this bathroom, and our foe had opted to use the one away from the meat. I pressed onward, knowing I had to be particularly stealthy. Thankfully my companion (the overly-anxious one who planted the meat) was not with me at the time, enabling maximum sneakiness.

The plate had remained undisturbed over its ceiling tile. As for the meat itself, little has changed. There is relatively little smell yet to speak of besides the gentle pleasant wafts of maple flavored bacon. Surprisingly, the cat food seems to present little to no odor, though it appears to to have liquefied slightly. The left end of the top bacon strip has curled slightly, probably due to drying. Also, the ground beef and pork chops appear to be darkening in color.

With my head still peering above the ceiling, it suddenly came to my attention that the shower had been shut off. I graciously eased the tile back in place, climbed down from the bench, and booked it. I heard the stall door open just as the bathroom door sealed itself behind me. No harm done.

It was to my great dismay that I discovered my photos had come out blurry. We have concluded it must be too dark for our camera to focus properly. We will utilize a flashlight starting tomorrow...

Continue to Day 4

Day 2 - The meat has been planted!

2007-10-25T10:07:00.001-04:00

(posted by Stinkographer 1)

***Administrative Notice: from this point forward the blog will have two writers, who will take turns updating this website on a daily basis.**

5 AM. My alarm rings. I stumble out of bed, muttering "what the hell was I thinking" to myself over and over again. My friend was supposed to grab the plate of meat from his fridge and join me outside, but he was nowhere to be found. I head back upstairs and knock on his door. I wait. I knock again. "Go away," he groans. I kick the door several times. Finally my compatriot stumbles over and opens the door. "I feel really sick. Take the meat, you'll have to do it without me." He adamantly denies tasting the cat food.

Great. Now I'm without a sentinel. I walk outside and down the dark and empty road, balancing the plate of raw meat in one palm, waiter-style. I enter the dorm and make my way up the stairs to the target location. I try hopelessly to think of what I'd say if somebody saw me. To my good fortune, it seemed that not even drunk people were awake at this time of night.

I enter the target bathroom. The automatic lights switch on when I open the door, giving me the eerie feeling that all of my actions may be getting recorded on video. I'll have to chance it. My objective is in sight. There's no turning back.

I scan the room and decide on the perfect ceiling tile to hold our experiment. Close enough to the shower head to get a steady dose of steam. Far enough from the shower vent to make the place stinky.

I get to work as quickly as possible. The ceiling tile made a loud creaking sound as I pushed it aside, but luckily my adversaries in the adjacent room seemed to neither hear nor care. I carefully lifted the plate onto the tile and slid it back into place.

I slid away a small corner tile, which gave me enough space to fit my hand and my camera over the plate. I blindly snapped about six shots, each one so off-center that only half of the plate was actually in the photo. At one point I accidentally brushed my left hand against the cat food, which imparted upon me an unpleasant coat of tender beef and liver gravy. After much effort, I finally got a decent picture.

The meat has been planted!!! The Tufts Stinkymeat Project has begun! Only time will tell how stinky our meat will get. Only time will tell how long it will take before they begin searching for the plate. Only time will tell if we'll get brutally murdered, should they ever discover it was us...

Continue to Day 3

Day 1 - Meat Purchasing Day

2007-10-24T05:10:00.000-04:00

Went to Shaw's on a meat hunt. As with previous Stinkymeat projects, we were looking for our meat to have the following qualities:

- Freshness
- Price
- Texture

For our experiment, one additional characteristic was necessary:

- Timed odor release

Although throwing a raw fish into the ceiling may at first seem like a good idea, we realized that its strong and immediate odor would cause residents to become suspicious too quickly. No, we were looking for something that will begin with a negligible scent and work its way up as days pass. Our scientific hypothesis is that with a slow increase in scent, residents will "adapt" to the smell as it evolves. If our theory is correct, they will be entering the bathroom so frequently that they will become desensitized to the smell, and hence not immediately search for its source.

Started off with the classic: ground beef, .90 pounds' worth. By far the most nasty piece of meat from Mahlon Smith's First Stinkymeat Project.

Estimated half-life: 5-6 days
Stink potential: High
Total cost: $3.41

These fresh pork chops were right next to the ground beef. Mahlon's projects did not include pig, so this could be interesting.

Estimated half-life: 7-8 days
Stink potential: Medium
Total cost: $1.93

A Cornish game hen, small enough that it would only take up a quarter of the plate. Few things stink worse than rotting chicken. Seemed too good to pass up.

Predicted half-life: 5-6 days
Stink potential: Very high
Total cost: $3.12

Nabbed a breakfast favorite. Bacon smells great when it's being cooked. We're very curious to see if this will change after a week of incubation.

Predicted half-life: 6-7 days
Stink potential: High
Total cost: $3.69

After the tragic disappearance of the dog food plate early in Mahlon's Second Stinkymeat Project, we felt obligated to give it a second try. The cat food can seemed to come in a more ideal size, so we swiped one of those instead.

Predicted half-life: 4-5 days
Stink potential: Medium
Total cost: $.55

Hefty Serve 'n Store. Durable, tall sides, and large handles. All characteristics that will hopefully keep the meat on the plate and off our fingers while handling it.

Total cost: $2.00

And here it is!

Total cost: $14.70 with Shaw's discount card

Got home and placed each item carefully onto the plate. No real smell yet from anything other than the cat food. I hadn't eaten in a while, and I must admit that the aroma emanating from the "Grilled, Tender Beef and Liver Feast in Gravy" was actually quite appealing. It was with some difficulty that I restrained myself from tasting it.

The meat rests peacefully in my friend's fridge. Tonight we go and plant it in the ceiling tiles above the shower...

Continue to Day 2